10 weeks ago when i walked out of the school doors after my final exam the first thoughts in my head was "everythings changed now" and "I'm finally free" I had so many plans for my 10/11 weeks off; see family, hang out with friends, go shopping, relax, get a summer job, save money and just do things. I'm now onto my final week i've been shopping and i've relaxed. Hang out with friends? Get real..... i've realised this past 10 weeks i hardly have any friends, friends that are well and truly bothered how i am and what my plans are. I've hardly being out since my best friend got married which was an event that marked my summer holidays and changed everything really.
Up until my best friend got married in June all i ever did was go out, i'd go to her house for a chat and i'd do that most nights and if i didn't i'd be out at the local youth club and whilst exams were coming up i was sat at home revising. When i was at school i thought yeah another few weeks i won't have to come back and i'll just be able to do what i want and i remember thinking; summer is going to be perfect.
Well i'm now on my final week, i've had 10 weeks off and i've hardly done a thing. I've learnt so much about who i am though, seen things in me that i like and bits that i don't like but overall i've had a good long while to think about what i want.
I have enjoyed the holidays but i haven't done a lot really and i did mean to.
Ever since my best friend left things have been up and down but i'm okay about all that now because well on sunday i'm fleeing the family nest and going to my grandparents so that i can go to college.
When i got my results i wasn't overly pleased because i wanted to have really good grades but now i'm kind of accepting them.
10 weeks ago i thought leaving school and getting results would change everything; it hasn't changed anything. I'm still the smae person i was 10 weeks ago, maybe more mature as i have had time to reflect and think about who i am over the last 10 weeks.
The 10 weeks have brought alot of happiness but very much sadness; realising my best friend would be 250 miles away and realising that i am now in the big wide world. I've also realised the friends i have/had at school are just class room associates, just people i saw every school day for 5 years and who i said bye to everyday at 3.20pm; i am very similar to them and i have finally realised that i have been through stuff but i'm just like them in many ways and thats how i want it. For many years after my Mum i felt i had to be different, how could i be like them after what i'd been through? In many ways i wouldn't let myself be like them because i didn't feel i could, i was so different from them but now i've realised that really was me just putting the walls up and i'm going to stop that.
I start college a week tomorrow, i genuinly can't wait. I'm intrigued by no one knowing me and going up to people and saying hello and making new friends; 2 years ago i'd never have had the confidence to do that but now i'd never say no to doing it.
This holiday has been very much hard too as i've felt my old insecurites coming back but i realise that i have had way too much time on my hands.
Now is the time for me to do silly things and just laugh; i don't want the sadness, the upset and the miserable me that i have been for so many weeks now.
Yeah i do miss my best friend but we text each other everyday so we really will always be in touch; i couldn'tr ask for a better friend and i'm so glad i got the chance to meet her and have a friendship with her, its something i'll cherish until the day i die.
Cloe