The highs and The lows of Cloe

I got 5 B's, 4 C's, 2 D's and 3 E's.
Initially i was pissed off cos in science i got E but i worked so pissing hard that when i read the result i wanted to cry because i just wanted acee results. I've got 9 proper passes though so actually i couldn't have done much better i'm just praying i get in cos i actually only have passed in 4 subjects but my media was a btec worth 4! Oh well i must say i am chuffed!
I've seen my bestest friend, don't know when i'll next see her which is a bit sad but we hugged and it was actually lovely.
Shopping tomorrow! woo!
xxx

I've just come back from seeing my best friend who've i've not see for 3 weeks; which by the way is quite a long time for us though after tomorrow we won't see each other for ages. It was lovely to see her and i am so happy. I've got use to it now and it feels so good knowing that although she's not in the same village as me but knowing she's right by me for help and guidance makes me feel so happy and loved. She said i was always welcome at hers; how lovely is that. She is honestly my best friend but its all okay really because we'll always be there for each other.
I just feel so happy now.
I am extremely nervous but i'll be okay my best friend knows how hard i worked.
Got to go now!

I am soo scared about tomorrows results. Tomorrow my GCSE's come out and i am sooo scared. I have now probably got myself into trouble because my brother was apparantly joking with me saying my dad wasn't coming to results with me so i just started swearing at my brother cos he just winds me up soo much.
All i want is good results, i feel sick to the stomach, if they're not perfect every plan and thought and dream i've had will actually go to pot and i can't bear that actually cos i don't want disapoinment anymore i just want to have a reason to be proud of myself. If tomorrow my results are rubbish i'll scream so loud that everyone will have perferated ears cos i'll be soo upset, everyones telling me it doesn't matter what i get but it does to me because i have so many dreams for my life and it'd make me cry so much if i fail to achieve them.

Hi
I'm quite upset today and feel a bit down about things.
My bestest friend is moving tomorrow 250 miles away eek. I've had a year to get use to the idea and its still not any less painful then when i first found out. Her wedding a month ago was quite hard and i felt so emotional about it but i was still happy for her. Now she's fully moving and i'll not see her very often and her house, the beautifulest house i've ever been in will not belong to her.
She had 2 lorries full of stuff and i was so glad to be there for her; to help, to support her and to hug her when she needed it. Don't get me wrong i'm very happy for her, happy for our friendship and just happy because she's happy but i'm also down. I've kinda of got use to the idea of this but it still hurts. I've never ever had a friendship like the one i have with her but truth is i wouldn't want a friendship like this with anyone other than her because we've shared soo much and i can't imagine sharing the things i have shared with her with anyone else. The friendship is such a special one and means the world to me. Through the darkest of days she's helped me and given me a reason to smile. I'm not worried about losing touch or not seeing her because i know we'll always keep in touch and text/email each other. True friendship never ever ever fades and lasts a full life time. I'm just upset because in that house we've both shared so much together and i've told her secrets and just everyday life stuff in there. On winter nights we've lit the fire and sat on a sofa eating chocolate/mini chedders and drinking coke; it was so sentimental, then in the summer we'd sit in her conservatory with the windows open eating and drinking the same stuff just again talking about everything that was bothering us at the time or the past and when things have been tough we've hugged and been there for each other. I know we'll still have that bit because a friendship as beautiful as ours will last forever. Its just a bit scary right now but i know i'll get use to it.
I'm seeing her tomorrow for some hugs and then i don't know when i'll next see her but thats too hard to deal with because we email, and we text and we can write to each other.
So glad i've written all this
Cloe

At the moment it seems all i do is wake up feeling down and then all i do all day is moan moan moan moan. I can't remember the last time i had a proper laugh, the last time i had tears rolling down my face with laughter yet i should be feeling proper happy; no school ever again, college soon, lazy summer and just the thought of moving and starting me whole new life.... but no i'm more miserable now than i've been in agess. I must proper piss people off when i'm always moaning, i know i do cos i piss myself off fully when i look in the mirror and see a sad face all the time, or when i can feel the tears bubbling up i just feel like slapping myself. God i sound so pathetic and i actually sound like some sad overdramatic cow who wants to feel important. It seems like all i ever do is moan and i don't want people to feel that. I just want to be happy again but right now it all seems so hard and unimaginable.
I guess part of my downness is down to the fact my bestest friend is officially leaving the village this week and i've been missing her loads today cos she's just my bestest friend and i don't know what i'll do without her...... its soo unfair. I'm trying to focus on other things, but what other things? I don't get my results until 23rd August so i'm on tenterhooks until then.... waiting and waiting and waiting - its not me, its so not fair i just want them now. Thats why i've nothing to look forward to. Sad life eh? There was a time when i had everything to get up for in a morning but even my social life is crap at the moment so i guess i'll just have to mumble on and get happy again!! Hah good old diaries, i'd be lost without mine.
Mike reid died today - A soap actor AKA as Frank Butcher in eastenders, i admired him and thought he was a brill actor.... RIP Mike Reid

Anyway i guess i should just shut up moaning
xxx

Its not rare for me to feel ugly or fat because i regularly have "ugly days" and "fat days" but today i've felt it really bad.
I tried a Bikini on and the top bit made me feel like a beached whale and everything just hangs out. I went into town and saw loads of stunning girls blonde or brunette, thin and with really nice clothes. I'm not the type of person who is pretty but i can't even wear clothes right.
I guess i'll never look like any of them thin, stunning girls what have everything; nice boyfriend, good grades, a stack of friends and an ace complexion - though i regularly wish i was like that but i know deep down i'll never be like that and facing up to that is hard. I'm not a perfect girl and i wouldn't want to be but lets face it i'm not pretty and well i only get good grades when i really really really try.
Thanks for reading

Hey
This is me; Blue eyes, usually i wear glasses but i hate them, i love the colour yellow and shopping is my full on proper hobby besides from eating and all the other things i do.
I'm nothing special but i think i'm friendly and am easy to talk to.
I'm single right now and really hoping to find a lad who is interested in me.

Well hello people
This is my first blog on the world wide web, i was reading my grandmas Prima magazine and read a few stories of women who had set blogs up and one woman had even got a publisher trying to publish her writing. I'm a keen writer and love everything about it so i thought why not give it a try.

Well after 3 days of been in Hull with my Grandparents looking for jobs i have finally returned home. I went into about 20 different places and out of all them places have got one possibility and all the others were "no sorry we don't need anyone" After a while i dreaded that answer because the only thing keeping me going during the job hunting was the fact if i carried on i'd have a job by the end of the day though now i realise how wrong i was.
It was quite scary asking the employers because i knew that this it was serious and that these businesses were the employers pride and joy and it really was serious. So its official i am finally in the real world, asking people for jobs and hearing the answer no, more than once. I wasn't use to it, the way the employers made it sound like they were doing me a favour but truth is if i don't like a place i will not work there however if i was really desperate i'd work anywhere but it would have to be a very last resort.
It was great staying at Grandma and Grandads i must admit on tuesday before i went i got cold feet about everything; moving to theres, going to college and i felt off about everything but once i got there i thought hang on there is a great opportunity here and i should make the most of every minute and thats what i'm going to do.
Whilst there i realised that after all the years of missing out on having my Mum in my life and been there for me through everything that i wasn't totally alone and with no female icon and then i realised my Grandma was the next best thing to my Mum, she was related to her and as much as she's old she knows what she's talking about so i've decided to totally make the most of what i have got.
I've decided that i am going to join St Johns ambulance because i would really like to learn my first aid mainly for an extra thing to go on my CV and also so that i can have a new hobby outside out college and something i can do for myself and where i can meet new people. I don't want to join the army or the police force because emotionally and physically i am not strong enough to do that but i know that i want to help people and i think part of me doing the first aid will be me finally doing something positive and contributing to the community.
I'm finally feeling very positive again after last fridays downfall, its taken me a whole week to get back to the point i was last friday before the downfall and i know thats a long while but what happened got to me so much.
I'm feeling ready to move on and am prepared to do anything in order to have fun and enjoy my life.
Thanks for reading